Breadcrumbing and False Promises: Are You Being Led On?

 Have you ever been in a relationship where someone keeps making big promises but actually never follows through? You hold on, thinking commitment is just around the corner, but somehow it never arrives. 

Ever heard of :

• "I want to marry you someday"
• "Just give me some time"
• "We'll move in together soon"

If you've heard these lines but seen no real action, you might be a victim of breadcrumbing. You'll notice a somewhat sporadic contact where the communication is inconsistent, avoidance of making concrete plans or even expressing clear intentions and having a feeling of uncertainty; feelings of being a spectator in a relationship you're supposed to be a team player in.

So what exactly is breadcrumbing? In my opinion, it is when one party wants the fun and amazing part of being with someone but doesn't want to keep their end of the bargain. You are stringed along before they magically disappear out of the blue after they are done being interested. It is being given enough attention to "keep you on a leash" but not to feel confident or reassured enough to really know where the relationship is heading.

It is no longer limited to dating and long-term relationships, it has become insidious in friendships too.

Have you ever noticed when you have a sit down with a friend, all they want to know is how you're doing and not in a genuine way. They are interested enough just to keep it superficial or to find out if you're doing better than them. They just want enough details to be able to have proof  of friendship and to feign a string-like connection to keep you hooked with no intention of nurturing the friendship. Don't get me wrong, we have our own individual lives and we have our own connections that we have with friends. 

We can go on for days without talking to each other and then when we do have an engagement, it is like there really wasn't that distance. We can be on our own individual timelines and still have that genuine connection without feeling drained. At the end of the day, energy never lies. Picture this: two different people but two different energy outcomes; An interaction with one can leave you feeling drained, tired and maybe despondent and another can leave you feeling energized, full of life and you cannot wait for the next meet up. It really doesn't matter on the frequency of communication and meet ups. What really matters is the genuinity of it all.

Are they respecting your boundaries? Are you respecting theirs? 

What are their values and do you respect them? Do they respect yours?

In every interaction, it is essential we understand each other. The way I interact with you will not be the same way I interact with someone else. Just because one can do something for you that another friend can't, does not mean that one or the other is fake. We both give what we can and it is up to an individual to realize for themselves how each and every friendship is serving them. Do not over extend and when the other person does not match your level you start  to guilt them. Simply readjust your connection  to them. You don't need to hate them or have a sense of entitlement. Understand who you are and what you want and the kind of connection you want and unapologetically accept yourself the way you are with grace, then extend the same grace to your fellow human. If they can't meet you at that level you want them to, then they simply just can't. Accept it, reevaluate and move on!

If you have interacted with me on a personal level, then you know that I will always say; "You cannot pour from an empty cup." Fill your cup with love and all the positive energy possible (positive to you); understand your likes and dislikes and accept yourself unapologetically. And then you'll be able to extend the same grace to another. Don't be so focused on looking for the "negative" in a person when essentially this supposed negative is really just something you don't like in that person; choose to embrace the positive and accept that there are certain aspects in this person that you don't like and find a way forward. In some cases the decision to be made can be heartbreaking but at the end of the day, the person that really matters in this story of yours is You.  You've got to take care of number one. And sometimes that can mean breaking our own hearts for our own good; whatever that means to You!!!

Do not let anyone or anything define what is good for you! Do listen to sound advice and make an informed choice but ultimately, let it be a decision made by YOU for YOU!